So tonight I attended this crazy party that was some odd cross between a wedding and a bar mitzvah party, but was to celebrate a new born baby. It involved the traditional (Jewish) female baby naming ceremony as far as I could tell since it was all in Hebrew, but that seemed to be such an afterthought of the evening. It was at this MASSIVE wedding reception place (which was BEAUTIFUL for the record....) and there were probably about 250 people there...That just gives you the general set up. I was there with my Israeli host family. My family is headed up by Felix and Yaffa, although in all the time I've spent with them I think I've spoken maybe 30 minutes total with Felix. MAYBE. They have five children-4 girls and 1 boy. The youngest, Shir, is 14, then Maietal-22, Zehavit-26, then Itzik, the lone boy-28, and the oldest is Susie, whose age I have never asked, but she's probably no more than thirty. The party tonight was celebrating Hili, the first born child to Itzik and his wife Cindy, who was born at the end of February.
So we get there and the first phase is hanging out in the outdoor area which from the looks of things is where the actual wedding service normally is, since there's this really cool looking permanent hupa chillin there:
(btw, to check the place out, I went up the steps, and there was totally a broken glass just chillaxing on the platform.)
and there are different food stations-burritos, stir fry, cous cous...lots of food. I get there and Itzik tells me to go eat. I am sitting at some point and Zehavit asks me if I've eaten and tells me to go eat......if only i knew what was in store!
So then after about 2 hours....(yea...Israelis and time...that's a WHOLE other post) we go inside. There are the appetizer salads I have gotten quite used to with Shabbat dinners at the Madar family house....tasty veggie treats and hummus and such that could be a meal but you have to save room! And then the waiter comes around and asks me if I want fish or something I couldn't understand, but I didn't want fish so I took the other option (opting to say "no fish"). It turned out to be a taco salad looking shell with some things inside it that looked like falafel balls but tasted like chopped liver and after the tasty (and odd because it included hummus) burrito I had outside, I really was perfectly content. You'd think the next course would be dessert right?
Seriously, you'd think in 4 months I would learn that just when I am just full enough and good for dessert, that's when they bring out the surprise extra course. And yet, it still gets me EVERY TIME.
So it turned out that there was still ANOTHER dinner to be had, about an hour later after much dancing. Here's how it went down: I was outside taking a breather since Israeli's smoke like fish breath through their non-necks, and they do it inside in spite of technically it being against the law (no one really cares or stops anyone) so it smelled TERRIBLE inside the hall and I need some fresh air. When I came back, it turned out that the surprise course had been served, and because I wasn't there, there was no plate in my place. I was thinking I got off scot free and didn't have to pretend to eat something when I was full. Again, you'd think by now I would have learned, but no. Remember that I was OUTSIDE when the food was served:
Party Guest 1: What, you're not eating?
Me (looking confused, partially because I'm translating in my head): I'm sorry, what?
PG1: Why aren't you eating?
Me: OH! I wasn't here.
(there's a break here. At some point a waiter comes by and asks me if I want steak or chicken and I tell him I am not hungry so he leaves me alone. Then after a spell...)
Party Guest 2: What's wrong?
PG1: She doesn't have food.
Me: Really, I'm OK. I don't want food.
(At this point PG1 is getting up to find a waiter)
PG1: it's OK, I will get you a plate.
Me: No, really, I'm not hungry.
Maietal (it's very loud in the room so she missed the action from PG 1 and 2): Why aren't you eating?
Me: Because I'm not hungry. And I wasn't here.
(PG1 returns. There is a lull until a waiter comes by)
PG1: She needs a plate.
Me: Really, I'm not hungry.
(Yaffa comes over to the table...and sees i don't have a plate)
Yaffa: Why aren't you eating?
Me: Because-
PG1: She doesn't have a plate. I'm trying to get her a plate. (motions to waiter) She needs a plate.
Waiter (from across the table): Do you want steak or chicken?
Me: Can you say that again?
Yaffa and Maietal: Do you want steak or chicken.
Me: Whatever.
Yaffa: Well, what do you want? There's steak and there's chicken.
Me: It doesn't matter because I am not going to eat it.
Yaffa: So do you want steak or chicken?
Then, after taking maybe one bite, because seriously, I was VERY full from the other two dinners...I just pushed the food around and cut it up a bit. After awhile, Yaffa comes over and sees my plate:
Yaffa: You didn't eat
Me: Yes I did
Yaffa: You didn't eat anything on this plate.
Me (quite sarcastic but in that loving kind of way): No, but I at the first dinner. And then there was the second dinner, and then the third dinner...I just opted out of this one!
When she busted out laughing I think she got the point.
Anyway I feel this story is worth sharing not only because it was quite funny, but also because it is SO typical. I cannot tell you how many times almost this exact same thing has happened to me, although maybe not to such an extreme degree because it wasn't in a banquet style with lots of people (for the record, the above story is totally true, only words themselves are paraphrased due to me not having a tape recorder for a memory. The general idea is exactly as it was, no exaggeration.) Maybe it's because we have so many Jewish mothers in such a confined area...they're all getting together telling everyone they look thin they should eat, and it just becomes a cultural thing? Anyway....it's like being at Eddie Friedman's all the time. But it's kinda nice knowing they care. Also for the record, I didn't even know PG1, he was just the guy sitting next to me. (don't get any ideas...PG2 was his wife. And they were orthodox)
P.S. when we finally got through all the courses and made it to dessert, it was a chocolate cake with ice cream. And after all those dinners I couldn't even eat it! :(
1 comment:
It's like Hobbits!
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